A Jewish Christmas in the Far Abroad
December 24, 2004
This is Diplomadstein writing. This Diplomad is, well, mad . . . mad in the popular sense of angry, fed up, steaming, and it's not, not a pretty sight (or site). Leave Christmas alone! Political correctness is ruining the day!
At this Embassy in this weird corner of the Far Abroad, we have a Holiday Party and wish each other, "Happy Holidays!" Can't have the word Christmas anywhere in this Federal building! At one event recently we had somebody take the mike and talk about the "meaning of Christmas." He made the fatal mistake of mentioning words such as "savior" and "God." We had one angry employee, let's call her Strident (not her real name) come up to me after the event and demand that I, this religious guy's supervisor, reprimand and remind him that his words made non-Christians uncomfortable.
Me: Who was uncomfortable?
Strident: Anybody who wasn't Christian. We have Jewish employees here, too.
Me: Are you Jewish?
Me: I am and I want another Christmas cookie. They have Hanukkah cookies beat.
Strident: You're not going to reprimand him?
Me: Nope. I want a cookie. And if I reprimand him I might not get invited to the next party.
Strident took it up the chain of command, but so far at least, I haven't heard anything more about her complaint or the mysterious people who were made uncomfortable. I've seen the pieces by fellow Jews Jonah Goldberg, Diana West, Jeff Jacoby, and Charles Krauthammer asking folks to chill out, enjoy the season, and wish our Christian friends all the best. I agree!
The world has changed. Going to elementary school in the 1950s and early 60's, we never thought twice about questioning the right of all the other kids and the school to host Christmas parties and plays and sing-alongs. The handful of Jewish kids would join in and nobody on either side of the GREAT RELIGIOUS DIVIDE got upset or called lawyers or converted or declared jihad or a crusade. We all had a good time. One year, I even got to play the part of a non-speaking sheperd; this was an improvement over the prior year when I played a speaking sheep (Baah! Baah! Forty-five years later and I can still remember my lines! God I'm smart!) If I had had a Jewish agent, I would have gotten much bigger parts . . . rampant anti-Semitism, I tell you, rampant!
As I got older, I realized that in addition to controlling the banks, the press, the electronic media, Hollywood, the Trilateral Commission, Jew York City, nuclear weapon AND bagel production, we Jews had a solid lock on the religion business. About a one-fourth of the world worshipped God through a Jewish kid from Israel, Jesus. About one-fourth of the world worshipped a Jewish kid from Germany, Karl Marx. The really smart kids in college talked about a Jewish kid from Russia, Leon Trotsky, and another one from somewhere back East, Noam Chomsky, or from Chicago, Milton Friedman. Everybody laughed with Jewish kids from England, Charlie Chaplin and Peter Sellers, and any number of them from America, Jack Benny, the Three Stooges, and George Burns were my favorites. And, of course, everybody needed the help of a Jewish kid from Austria, Sigmund Freud, to cope with the fear of annihilation brought about by another Jewish kid from Germany, Albert Einstein. So, I figured, my fellow Jews and I weren't the ones who should feel uncomfortable . . . but everybody else should be afraid, very afraid . . . BWAHAHAHAHA!
As an American Jewish kid I just assumed I was destined to grow up to be worshipped or be Master of the Universe. But, sigh, I took the Foreign Service exam instead, and got married to a Catholic, and have voted straight Republican since 1972. I know, I know, I am a disappointment to my people, all those hopes and dreams . . . shattered!
Life's too short. Everybody enjoy and let others enjoy the great freedoms we have. And every Jewish kid in America should have on his wall the names and pictures of the greatest friends the Jewish people ever had: Washington, Jefferson, Madison, Adams, Reagan, Bush and the millions of GIs who tore the guts out of Hitler's war machine and whose grandchildren continue to keep us free.
Bring on the Christmas music! More cookies! Down with the ACLU!